eternal

Thank God for snow.

I’m ready for it to melt now (urgently) but thank God for snow.

I expected the days after Christmas to be filled with godchildren.  But ice at my end, and swine flu at theirs meant that we all stayed home.   And, as much as I wanted to see them, this seems to have been exactly what I needed.

Of course, I was tired after Christmas.  We all are.  But I was totally unprepared how deep the tiredness went and how welcome the days of silence would be.  On Monday, I have a vague memory of time stretching to infinity.  I think I made cookies.  I tidied the kitchen.  I read a bit.  I taught Molly how to knit. That’s all I remember.

Tuesday was much the same — though it was the study rather than the kitchen that got cleaned, and I progressed from fiction to biography (a rare genre for me — but when I was in Chester, Rowan William’s biography was the closest thing I could find to theology, and I bought it…).  Molly learned to make rice pudding.

Wednesday was the short thaw.  I bravely oh so bravely went to buy birdseed, and that was me done for the day.

Thursday was supposed to be ‘back to work’.  But I woke up shivering and coughing, and spent the day reading  and playing with my diaries instead. (Molly learned about discursive styles in Luke’s  parables.)  I suspect that as real as the symptoms were it was mostly in my head — my body saying ‘not quite yet.  we’re not done with this resting business’.

I’ve watched a cut on my hand heal, and have been amazed at how much faster that happens when stress is low.   I’ve watched emotions heal as I try to learn from some things that are difficult, and try to let other things go.  (no scalpels yet, in this process of discernment,  just room to breath).

It has been a gracious, much needed time when eternity broke through the normal routine, and snow created sabbath.

I hope your Christmas has been similarly blessed by long slow days full of what you needed.

And now to begin again: striving this year to live from the gifts of God’s spaciousness instead of the drivenness of resolutions and the so-tempting lists of things I will try to reform.

15 thoughts on “eternal

  1. ‘live from the gifts of God’s spaciousness instead of the drivenness of resolutions and the so-tempting lists of things I will try to reform.’

    Spot on, Kimberly. And your supporters will hold you to that!

  2. I love this post. I love that you fell upon the rest needed (and I too, have been blessed by needs being met unexpectedly this Christmas), but most of all I love this recognition of God’s spaciousness. Something I think I will need to be reminded of over and over again this year, but that I desperately desire.

  3. ‘the spaciousness of God’ is a phrase that I started to play with at TISEC, but have never really perused. One day I must actually flesh it out.

    In the meantime, we could try practical application over decadent coffees sometime soon.

    Isn’t there a theology book that has deliberately blank pages somewhere? Or was that a book of poetry? Vague memories of intrigue.

  4. Coffee space – definitely divine! Practical application a very good idea.

    I don’t know the blank pages book, but I believe it!

    Btw, Trilogy is good for Epiphany. H.D. has a Lady who ‘she carries a book but it is not / the tome of the ancient wisdom, / the pages, I imagine, are the blank pages / of the unwritten volume of the new’.

    and the whole things ends with Kaspar’s memory of the Epiphany:

    But she spoke so he looked at her,
    she was shy and simple and young;

    she said, Sir, it is a most beautiful fragrance,
    as of all flowering things together;

    but Kaspar knew the seal of the jar was unbroken.
    he did not know whether she knew

    the fragrance came from the bundle of myrrh
    she held in her arms.

    London
    December 18-31, 1944.

    It looses a lot without the rest of the poem, but I thought you’d like it!

  5. I know I need to learn this too – how to work hard for what I want and let go when it does not happen, and try again and perhaps the same thing differently and perhaps something else – tell you what, I think this is especially hard for single people. An intimate to help one pick oneself up is a good thing. Of course only if they help one and not themselves.

  6. Carcanet publish Trilogy (which I would recommend, as the best starting point, they also do a Selected Poems), which should be reasonably easy to get a hold of, from Amazon at least [I know Borders used to stock them from time to time 😦 ].

  7. one of the games I used to play in Borders was ‘will they have HD?’ they never did, but there was always a compensatory cup of coffee to make up for it. I haven’t been to Glasgow since they began to close. I know I will feel lost and adrift; it was the only place I always went.

  8. My copy of Trilogy was a surprise find in Waterstone’s in Glasgow, but rather disappointingly it is not annotated and I feel like I’m missing a lot of important allusions.

    I too love the idea of the spaciousness of God – thank you for that, Kimberly. I look forward to thinking more about it and suspect it’s something I will need to keep hold of as I start my placement next week.

  9. I know, alas for Borders! It’s prime location between the rail stations AND with the cafe was so great. Have you ever tried the library in the basement of the Gallery of Modern Art? It also has a cafe. Although if you are allergic to basements like I am, you might not enjoy it.

    Kate’s right; the American New Directions edition is better because it has notes. Although not enough to clear up all obscurity by a long shot! H.D. demands a generous reader for sure.

  10. I can’t wait to see what you make of the placement, Kate.

    Elizabeth — if the basement library were local, I’d use it as a working hidey-hole. But on a day off, I enjoyed sitting in the balcony and watching the world go by.

  11. Do you know the Starbucks around the corner from Borders-that-was, there’s some good seats by upstairs windows that allow for good people watching, although not as congenial as in-bookstore-cafe-location.

  12. “Thank God for snow.” Now just work your magic KB and make the wretched stuff disappear! (I am sick of extra socks, boots, soggy trousers, hat hair and trudging through the stuff. It was amusing for the the first 2 days but 14 days later is just getting silly.) You will, however, need to be extra powerful as the forecast threatens us with more…….

  13. This is beautiful, as are the blessings (more recent) that I’ve just read. Thank you for sharing them. An Epiphany gift indeed.

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